Taking the Cynic Route

Where Raunchy Wit and Nostalgia meet Bootleg Intellect.

About the show

Three average Joes from Baltimore, MD sharing humorous stories and opinions with a flare for the crude, low brow, and sometimes even dark. By reflecting on their own personal histories, pop culture potluck, conspiracy theories and other wacky topics, these guys will make you laugh and maybe even think. But mostly laugh.

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  • Episode 31: Ayn Rand is the Fountainhead of Impotence

    June 13th, 2019  |  2 hrs 7 mins
    arnold schwarzenegger, ayn rand, bad plane ride, bruce willis, canada, christopher hitchens, dick simmons, elton john, family guy, fan mail, immigration, italian, john stamos, john travolta, john waters, john wick, kate upton, law & order, left wing, lyle alzado, martin shkreli, mike tyson, netflix, political parties, pulp fiction, richard linklater, right wing, rocketman, roots, sam kinison, the fountainhead, toronto blue jays, tupac, turbulence, wak 100, walk hard, walk the line, word origins, zack snyder

    We got a dirty one for thirty one! The trio tackles all the juicy topics of early Summer '19. Guinea John kicks it off with an Italian cantata for the ages. We get politi-cooh while talking about the origins of the left and right wings. Guinea John defends Ayn Rand to the bitter end. A Canadian weekend away, John Waters on acid and a new piece of fan mail all make up the madness that is TTCR Episode 31. John Stamos eats yogurt, Kate Upton eats a burger, and Lyle Alzado eats steroids. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, AND SPREAD IT LIKE HERPES. www.takingthecynicroute.com

  • Episode 30: "Polack" Johnny and the Tale of the Devil's Onion Ring

    May 26th, 2019  |  2 hrs 5 mins
    90's commercial, alphas, amy schumer, andrea yates, avengers, baltimore, batman, beta, billy jack, bloomin' onion, bohemian rhapsody, boston bomber, boxing, casino, catherine pugh, christopher walken, clitoris, comedy, commercials, cults, diarrhea, dildo pranks, endgame, gillette, godfather, grateful dead, heaven's gate, hemorrhoids, john steinbeck, john waters, mcdonald's, mma, orioles, queen movie, road house, sam kinison, skittles, ted bundy, up in smoke, vaccines, vhs, vince vaughn, vomiting, zac efron

    TTCR hits another milestone as episode 30 comes out swinging. We are talking haymakers left and right. Polack Johnny is back in the saddle as the boys dish about everything from deep throating soft serve to hackin' off a hemy while spread wide like a bloomin' onion. If you've ever eaten finger blasters while at the pee trough, episode 30 is the one for you! DOWNLOAD IT TODAY. LISTEN TO IT WHENEVER.

  • Episode 29: Beer Can Billy is Gaye for Fried Chicken

    May 19th, 2019  |  2 hrs 7 mins
    amy schumer, avengers, baseball, bernie sanders, budd dwyer, catherine pugh, childhood, chris farley, dr.dre, eastpoint mall, endgame, faces of death, fried chicken, jfk, joe biden, john lennon, marisa tomei, marvin gaye, memories, michael jackson, millennials, ms. piggy, pulp fiction, reginald denny, sam kinison, steve mcnair, tiger woods, traces of death, tropic thunder, whitney houston, youth baseball

    It's been too long! Episode 29 of TTCR coming at ya with a vengeance. Special guest "Beer Can" Billy shares some quality stories. From accidental childhood racism to jerking off while driving, we cover all angles. We surprise Guinea John with Chris Farley's death photo and reminisce about "Faces of Death." So many random topics and sound effects, there's too much to list. Grab a snack, sit back, and listen to those sweet, sweet Baltimore accents. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

  • Episode 28: I'll take 'Things You Would Defecate On' for a $1000, Alex.

    April 29th, 2019  |  1 hr 48 mins
    baseball, bill hicks, brave new world, busta rhymes, dallas buyers club, economy, family guy, fart, korean pop, mark paul gosselaar, matthew mcconaughey, middle east, missy elliot, morgan freeman, my buddy, oozinator, orioles, peter dinklage, peter griffin, queefing, rothschild, sam kinison, saved by the bell, scuttled, seven deadly sins, shel silverstein, snl, spring, super soaker, ten commandments

    Spring has sprung like Guinea John out of his seat when the drugs show up. Episode 28 starts off with some O's baseball talk and quickly enters the realm of farts and queefs. We dissect some more CUMmercials and pretend to know things about religion. The ghost of Sam Kinison makes his frequent appearance, we contemplate things we would crap on for $1k, and determine no one truly knows anything about the afterlife. "Thou shalt not thrust thy Oozinator toward thy neighbor." DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE! Check out our PATREON page for more patron only content.

  • Episode 27: Grab a Sheet of Brawny to Clean Up Your Skittles

    April 17th, 2019  |  2 hrs 5 mins
    27 club, avengers, bayer aspirin, boom boom mancini, boxing deaths, brandon lee, brawny, buying, celebrity deaths, chris farley, comedy, cynic route, disc golf, donald trump, du ku kim, elton john, george costanza, harry einstein, janis joplin, jim morrison, jimi hendrix, john mulaney, kurt cobain, mass shootings, masturbation, mueller report, new zealand, podcast, racism, renting, robin williams, rodney dangerfield, sam kinison, skittles, snl, star trek, tower of babel, white nationalism, whitney houston, william holden

    Welcome to the 27 club! The only things needed for entry are an abundance of drugs or a shotgun...or both. In this 27th episode of TTCR we dissect multiple NADverstisements to find the sexual innuendos. We reminisce about times we got in trouble in school. We discuss weird celebrity deaths, our grandparent's generations and their casual racism, and random movie body counts. The ghost of Sammy Kinison stops by again, again and Guinea John hits every tree in the forest. Listen up and you might even learn something. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE!

  • Episode 26: The Yellow Badge of Courage

    March 22nd, 2019  |  1 hr 40 mins
    annette bening, baltimore, captain marvel, comedy, cynic, cynic route, donald trump, dust bowl, ethiopia, ethiopia jokes, fox news, great depression, ken burns, melania trump, michael jackson, mick jagger, nin, nine inch nails, podcast, r. kelly, trent reznor, tucker carlson, warren beatty, yawning

    You're gonna need your passport and your shots for this one. Episode 26 dives into the wet and the wild. From R. Kelly human trafficking from on stage in Ethiopia to Michael Jackson's monkey love. Guinea John is filling Solo cups with golden showers while Bruce is still crapping in the dark. You'll even learn which stall to choose in a public bathroom. So get your Jergens and your tissues ready for a fappin' good time. DOWNLOAD, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

  • Episode 25: The B & E Railroad to Chocolate Town

    March 11th, 2019  |  2 hrs 10 mins
    b & e, barack obama, bohemian rhapsody, breaking and entering, bruce jenner, caitlyn jenner, casey anthony, comedy, cynic, cynic route, dianne feinstein, drinking, drunk, freddie mercury, george takei, hillary clinton, ipa, irishman, mitch mcconnell, o.j. simpson, podcast, porn, r. kelly, robert kraft, rodney king, ttcr, vhs

    We welcome back "Beer Can" Billy to the studio where everyone received an adult dose. From renting VHS porn to strippers shooting ping pong balls, this one pulls no punches. Probably the funnest and funniest to date, episode 25 explores everything. First time drunk stories, our adolescent lives of crime, R. Kelly bangin' kids again, Robert Kraft's handies, Obama's white half...this one has a little something for everyone. Crank up the perverted laughs for that long road trip and enjoy the route that is cynic. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

  • Episode 24: Stuff That Whopper in Your King Box

    February 24th, 2019  |  1 hr 44 mins
    andrew dice clay, bill belichick, blackface, bob kraft, burger king, c. thomas howe, comedy, dick van dyke, eddie murphy, gallagher, governor northam, gross beauty ingredients, mary poppins, morton downey jr., new england, nfl, patriots, podcast, race, rob gronkowski, robert downey jr, snapple, ted danson, todd gurley, tom brady, tropic thunder, virginia

    Celebrating one year of debauchery and douche powder. The gang at TTCR thanks our listeners for sticking with us, one offensive episode at a time. Not to be out done by its older siblings, episode 24 does not disappoint. We bounce from NFL conspiracies to Ted Bundy's resurgence. We talk blackface in pop culture, Burger King's subliminal messaging, and gross ingredients in your beauty products, just to scratch the tip of the racial iceberg. Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter...DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE!! Check us out on PATREON!

  • Episode 23: That Thing You Poo

    February 14th, 2019  |  1 hr 45 mins
    al pacino, bandersnatch, bee population, bees, bill hicks, border wall, bounty, boxing, cell phones, chickens, choose your own adventure, football, h&r block, jim norton, joe pesci, louisville, martin scorsese, nfl, norfolk, patriots, rams, robert deniro, sex, sharting, smartphones, snapple, subliminal messaging, the irishman

    This Valentine's Day, love is not the only thing in the air. We've got Guinea John, decoder of subliminal sexual messages. We've got Bruce the human garden hose. We've got impromptu song writing, snapple cap facts, Bill hicks, the Super Bowl...the list goes on and on. Join the trio around the octagon for another brown-tastic good time. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

  • Episode 22: Weapons of Ass Destruction

    January 21st, 2019  |  1 hr 57 mins
    2018, bear attacks, jimmy snuka, john valby, kfc, masturbation, mean gene okerlund, peter north, porky's 2, pornhub, sam kinison, schweppes, spanish fly, stormy daniels, super dave osborne

    Who's hungry for a delicious bowl of PORN flakes?! In Episode 22 we review the 2018 porn statistics courtesy of PornHub. We discuss hypothetical bear attacks and all the things America shoved up its ass in 2018. Sam Kinison drops by again, again. We talk Peter North, Porky's 2, and mourn a trio of D-list celebrity deaths. Starting the year off with a BANG!

  • Episode 21: Yule Logs and Donkey Dongs: The Smells of Xmas

    January 13th, 2019  |  1 hr 33 mins
    aquaman, artie lange, chris rock, dominick the donkey, feliz navidad, gin and juice, godzilla, hall of fame, janet jackson, key parties, kfc, kirk douglas, mcdonald's, mueller, porn, radiohead, rock & roll hof, roxy music, sam kinison, stevie nicks, swingers, the cure, tim curry, true romance, twister, zeitgeist

    We found a gift behind the tree when we were taking down the hole-a-day decorations. That gift is episode 21. Guinea John is critical of KFC's yule log, Bruce tells us about Twister Key parties, and I took a massive dump just before recording. We discuss the 2019 Rock & Roll HOF, Godzilla porn, and Guinea John enlightens us to a new term, "shirt potatoes." Feliz Navidad can suck Dominick's donkey. Enjoy! DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.

  • Episode 20: A Dash of Ripple in Your Taster's Choice?

    December 18th, 2018  |  1 hr 45 mins
    chris rock, christmas, comedy, cynic, cynic route, farts, finger sniffer, geico, george h.w. bush, harold and maude, hemorrhoids, howard stern, hugh hefner, immigration, jewish conspiracy, jimmy carter, louis armstrong, melania trump, monolith, risk, scars, smart phone, taxidermy, time machines

    HAPPY HOLE-A-DAYS! On this joyous episode we discuss Bruce's holiday visitor, Guinea John's butt trumpet, and Hugh Hefner's buried porn treasure. "Chris Rock" stops by, we try out a few new segments, and reminisce about smell-a-vision. There's dookie in the coffee can, immigrants with facial scars, and GEICO is trying to give you a hard-on for insurance. Welcome to the wonderful world of TTCR. Download. Like. Subscribe. Share.

  • Episode 19: Happiness is a Warm Pun, Stephen...

    December 3rd, 2018  |  1 hr 29 mins
    baseball, comedy, cynic, donald trump, james brady, john hinckley, john lennon, kavanaugh, liza minnelli, louis ck, mlb, podcast, ronald reagan, rusty kuntz, star wars, stephen king, susan collins, ttcr

    On this mini masterpiece we touch a little bit of everything. From politics to baseball and Louis CK to the Star Wars Xmas special. We even dive into a conspiracy theory pinning John Lennon's murder on world famous author Stephen King. Honestly, there is just too much nonsensical hilarity to list so you might as well just download and listen.

  • Episode 18: Aromafappathy and the Sticky Cosmos

    November 15th, 2018  |  1 hr 54 mins
    80's films, 90's music, advertising, comedy, cosmopolitan, cynic, cynical, elvis karate, eric clapton, farts, funny, hawaiian volcano, john hughes movies, john wayne, mother's day, mumble rap, north korea, poop, porno, reservoir dogs, sir mix-a-lot, snl, thanksgiving

    On this special episode (18) the TTCR gang welcomes back Scott Monahan to the studio. We dive into Mother's Day advertising, top songs/bands of the early 90's and different things we used for inspiration during adolescent "alone" time. A few awful Eric Clapton jokes, a discussion about John Wayne's poo and a heaping helping of 80's/90's movie discussions and you have yourself one helluva meal. LIKE, DOWNLOAD, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. PS - Sir Mix-A-Lot > Mumble Rap

  • Episode 17: What If Larry King Hadn't Been Aborted?

    November 8th, 2018  |  1 hr 31 mins
    #hashtag, abortion, apocalypse now, car trouble, charlie sheen, diane keaton, genitalia, glow, hashtag, larry king, martin sheen, mr. goodbar, platoon, ringo, roe v. wade, the banana splits, the godfather, the wire, thomas edison, vietnam, washington d.c.

    This one is a humdinger of a good time. Dust off the ol' dick depot because we are talking TV shows then and now. The Banana Splits, The Wire, and GLOW to name a few. Guinea John explains his hatred for both Larry King and Thomas Edison. Bruce explains how hashtags work. Lots of discussion about abortion and Roe v. Wade which then evolves into us just listing euphemisms for genitalia. Diane Keaton drops by with a few lines from The Godfather and we discuss our favorite Vietnam War movies. I love the smell of roast beef in morning. Download, Like, SHARE, and SUBSCRIBE!

  • Episode 16: Three Shots from the Book Suppository

    October 16th, 2018  |  1 hr 28 mins
    airports, billy crudup, book depository, christopher walken, cocktails, dallas, fabulous thunderbirds, flying, grassy knoll, jackie kennedy, john f. kennedy, lee harvey oswald, lyndon johnson, magic bullet, orioles, robert de niro, russian roulette, texas, the deer hunter, the jfk assassination

    We dive deep into the mayhem on this one. Guinea John had just returned from a trip to Dallas which led to some discussions on flying, the JFK assassination, and another impersonation of Sam Kinison. Bruce leads another movie tangent ranging from Cocktails to The Deer Hunter and we reminisce about some celebrity crackpots. The Orioles still suck, the Fabulous Thunderbirds are still Tuff Enuff and the Mad Pooper is still at large. Taking the Cynic Route is like a box of Chocolates, fat people love us. Download, Like, Share, and SUBSCRIBE!