Guinea John
Co-Host of Taking the Cynic Route
Raised as a Sicilian-American but potentially also Asian, Guinea John brings his special brand of cynical logic forged through decades in classrooms from both sides of the desk. From his hyena laugh to his angry rants, bipolar has never been this much fun!
Guinea John has hosted 43 Episodes.
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Episode 51: The Most Epic Podcast of All Time
February 28th, 2022 | 2 hrs 49 mins
amc, ancestry, aoc, at&t, beetlejuice, blue jeans, bruce, bukowski, chris benoit, crypto, danny devito, dave portnoy, dna, eddie murphy, fritz haber, gabriel brothers, get back, ikea, ilhan omar, jake gyllenhaal, jfk, juneteenth, moon gang, ned beatty, nick nolte, paul newman, sam adams, sparks, the squad, wawa, world war 2, zagnut
Resurrected from the depths of the dank basement, the gang is back. TTCR 2.0 is here with an episode that doesn't pull any punches. We finally see the results of Guinea John's ancestry DNA test, Beer Can Bill shares his love for the "Squad", and Scott figures out why GJ is obsessed with penis. A surprise guest breaks into the studio while recording and everyone thinks they are going to be murdered. So grab a ZagNut, cut your favorite pair of jeans at the waistband, and listen to this glorious episode of Taking the Cynic Route.
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Episode 49: Looking at the World Through a Bunghole
April 14th, 2021 | 3 hrs 34 mins
babe ruth, bar stool sports, bill hicks, charles barkley, charles manson, conrad murray, dave portnoy, derrick chauvin, don rickles, donald trump, elon musk, elvis presley, georgia, howard stern, immigration, jim breuer, jimi hendrix, joe biden, joe rogan, jre, matt gaetz, michael jackson, michael rappaport, mlb all star game, nikola tesla, o.j. simpson, paul mccartney, stuttering john, tucker carlson, us presidents, voter reform
Another strong episode in the books for the trio at the octagon. Guinea Juan graces us with his presence for number 49, along with those Sicilian rants we all know and love. The Beer Can is in rare form as we pick apart Matt Gaetz, voter reform in Georgia, and corruption in Baltimore City. We go around the table and ask what three people, living or dead, we'd like to have over for dinner. Guinea Juan craps all over Tucker Carlson while BCB explains his hatred for Stuttering John from the Stern Show. This podcast is a wild ride and you'll get off confused, slightly nauseous, and strangely wanting more. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARRRREEEEE!!!!!!
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Episode 47: Romancing the Trailer Park
February 22nd, 2021 | 3 hrs 32 mins
baltimore orioles, bias, capitol, carol king, cleveland indians, dionne warwick, donald j trump, impeachment, jay z, larry king, legalization, losing virginity, mary j blige, media, morgan wallen, ohio, psychics, re-elect no one, rock and roll hof, rusty kuntz, shimp, tina turner, trailers, treasures, trey mancini, usps, violence
The boys bring it back to the studio and whip up another tantalizing talk of twisted topics. Guinea Juan shares his most recent treasures from his father's house of awesomeness while Beer Can Billy tells a tale of the stinkiest stogie this side of Dundalk. We cover politics, sports, music, the human experience of life in a trailer park. We do our annual critique of this year's "Rock and Roll" HOF nominees and find out that the Beer Can is a huge Dionne Warwick fan, who knew? Do yourself a favor, crack open a Founder's Backwoods Bastard, listen to this episode and forget about your troubles while we discuss our troubles. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE SHARE!
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Episode 46: The Tenthion of Oppothith in the Univerth
January 29th, 2021 | 3 hrs 2 mins
alex trebek, barry glassman, beastie boys, boulevard brewing, donald trump, hillary clinton, home improvements, james comey, joe biden, john podesta, legalizing drugs, mike tyson, nancy pelosi, oregon, right vs left, rolling stone top 50 albums, roy jones jr., sean connery, seattle, ufc, washington, wikileaks
Oh how time flies. It's been a while since you've heard the boys around the octagon so here we are. Like a fine wine, we're fruity and will stain your blouse. Guinea Juan is in the studio, at least most of him, bringing that West Coast charm while Beer Can Billy counters with his best East Coast meathead. An epic tale of the tape.
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Episode 43: BREAKING NEWS: Cuomo F*CK$!
June 18th, 2020 | 3 hrs 42 mins
2112, abraham lincoln, brian posehn, cheech and chong, chris cuomo, cnn, conor mcgregor, coronavirus, covid-19, donald trump, driving hand signals, fauci, george floyd, gettysburg, great lakes brewery, jane miller, jfk, jimmy buffett, john lennon, kevin costner, kobe bryant, neil peart, omar vasquez, porter, proper 12, rush, sally thorner, salt n pepa, sarah silverman, sophomore slump, squirting, terry owens, twitter, up in smoke, wbal, white privilege, wuhan lab, yoko ono
The world is falling apart and we are watching with a Great Lakes Porter in one hand and our pud in the other. Guinea Juan is live in studio once again and brings the heat. We cover all of society's problems, solve them, and then tell dick jokes for three hours. Just another day in the office.
We tackle hard hitting issues like racism, white privilege, squirting, hand signals for driving...all of the important stuff. Honestly, at this point we should be categorized as a self help podcast. Do yourself a favor and listen now, before they ASSUME CONTROL. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. -
Episode 42: The Choad, the Chore, and the Chi-Chi-Chi-Chief-a
June 1st, 2020 | 3 hrs 17 mins
allman brothers, american amber ale, barack obama, bell's brewery, billy joel, black crowes, chia pet, chris cornell, conor mcgregor, dave grohl, eggs, elton john, eric clapton, hillary clinton, hypnotize, jesus christ, joe biden, john lennon, julian lennon, le'veon bell, monica lewinsky, neil young, notorious big, pearl jam, proper 12, ram 1500, sean lennon, september 11th, sopranos, soundgarden, term limits, underoos, yoko ono, zeitgeist
The Guinea's back in TOWN! Jeff and Beer Can Billy welcome back John, in person, at the octagon. Bringin' the RUCKUS to that ASS. We cover all of life's nuance from buying a new vehicle, to near death experiences, to the best concerts we ever attended. BCB brought his bag of hate, Jeff puts on the tin foil hat for 9/11 talk, and Guinea Juan sings about his choad. We get a little poo-litical with Joe Biden's Breakfast Club gaff and discuss waiting in between "nuts". Hours of nonsense to get you through your grind and make you question how you're spending your time. Ya better put on a clean pair of Underoos. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE!
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Episode 41: What Would You Do-oo-oo for a Klondike Bar...in the Butt?
May 19th, 2020 | 3 hrs 41 mins
ahmad arbury, alex jones, baltimore ravens, boulevard brewing, coronavirus, covid-19, ed mcmahon, foo fighters, guns n roses, joe biden, joe exotic, john stewart, kim jong un, larry hogan, led zeppelin, legal weed, liam gallagher, michael imperioli, michelle obama, million dollar man, murder hornets, noel gallagher, nursing homes, oasis, paul mccartney, pink floyd, plaid habit, raise some cain, seth meyers, stephen colbert, sue simmons, tara reid, ted, ted dibiase, the beatles, the daily show, the sopranos, the who, tiger king, wally world, washington d.c., ween
The gang is back for another raucous round of bull slingin' banter. Beer Can Billy throws caution to the wind and jumps back in the octagon while Guinea Juan joins us online. Bruce's whereabouts are still unknown for those keeping score at home.
We discuss our new daily routines and lifting the lockdown here in Maryland. Some strong opinions of Larry "The Hog" Hogan are shared in between Soprano's quotes and Pro Wrestling memories. Some interesting Youtube videos ask the hard hitting questions like, "Does Michelle Obama have a Dong?" and "Is Sue Simmons gonna have to Slap a Bitch?"
We talk about family histories, ancestors, and weird Uncles in the basement. There's too many topics to go on about and too much legal weed to remember them all. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE. -
Episode 40: A Guinea in the Garage is Worth Two Jackin' Off in the Bush
April 30th, 2020 | 2 hrs 58 mins
baltimore, baseball, bill o'reilly, coronavirus, covid-19, fake news, heather mills, hot open mic, italian food, jim norton, kavanaugh, kyle larson, media, miscarriage, nirvana, opie and anthony, orioles, papa roach, paul mccartney, politics, pro wrestling, protests, puddle of mudd, ravens, serial masturbater, shinedown, sopranos, susan collins, tony soprano, uncle junior, white house
Another quarantined episode in the book. Sad to see a milestone like number 40 being done streamed with one guy at the octagon, one guy fumbling with his mic from his basement 5 miles away, and one guy from his garage/cavern 3,000 miles away. But we made it work. In fact, we made up for the garbage sound quality with the quality of our content. Just kidding. No intro, just three hours of the route that is cynic. We gots deadlines to keeps. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.
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Episode 39: Driving Miss Handy: A Quarantine Extravaganza
April 23rd, 2020 | 4 hrs 5 mins
abbey road, ac/dc, airlines, appetite for destruction, baltimore, beer, bon scott, boston, brian johnson, bruce springsteen, conspiracies, coors light, coronavirus, covid-19, david lee roth, def leppard, divorce, drinking, foo fighters, green day, guns-n-roses, hairy nipples, howard stern, jameson, kiss, kurt cobain, lesbians, marriage, motley crue, nirvana, orioles, pandemic, parasite, pearl jam, pink floyd, pranks, quarantine, queen, quiet riot, ravens, record albums, rolling stones, sex talk, ten, the beatles, the wall, travel, van halen, whiskey, zoom
The only thing the world needed more than a global pandemic was a four hour long episode of this hot garbage. But here it is, for your ear's delight. Jeff mans the octagon while Beer Can Billy and Guinea John connect via the internets. We go deep into the history of both the Guinea and BCB, where no stone is left unturned. We reminisce about old Howard Stern episodes, our past musical performances, and some classic sports memories. BCB gives us a quaran-tour of his basement and record collection. We talk COVID-19 conspiracies, our hairiest past sexual experiences, and we crap all over Bruce since he was the one who didn't show up this time. Sprinkle in a "Driving Miss Daisy" style handy and some casual racism and I think we have ourselves a show. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.
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Episode 35: The Guinea John Special Ed-ition
September 25th, 2019 | 2 hrs 14 mins
airports, bad joke telling, bad jokes, bombshell, breaking news, deepfake videos, drinking, gun control, help!, hot cousins, inappropriate laugh tracks, italy, jeffrey epstein, john lennon, lebron james, mark david chapman, mass shootings, sam kinison, schindler's list, sicily, taxi driver, the beatles, the catcher in the rye, the decision, titty man, traveling, washington, yesterday
A very special episode of TTCR as we welcome back Guinea Juan after a brief sojourn overseas. The man himself steals the show with endless rants about airports and traveling, The Catcher in the Rye and Taxi Driver (again), sexy cousins and another visit from the ghost of Sam Kinison -- not to mention a major league, game-changing bombshell. So strap yourself in for some inappropriate laughs and some inappropriate touches, right here on Episode 35 of TAKING THE CYNIC ROUTE.
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Episode 34: Beer Can Billy goes to Warshington
September 12th, 2019 | 2 hrs 14 mins
9/11, adderall, auto train, baltimore, baltimore orioles, billy joel, camden yards, chris davis, donald trump, fantasy football, fhritp, fletch, flight 93, genesis, illegal alien, jerry sandusky, jim abbott, massage parlor, once upon a time in hollywood, penn state, pennsylvania turnpike, phil collins, porn stars, precious, quentin tarantino, ravens, redner's chicken, robert kraft, shanksville, shaquille o'neal, the fan, the world of coca cola, trey mancini, tweet, yucko the clown
Don't call it a comeback! It's been too long. Beer Can Billy joined the trio for this one a few weeks back and pushed the boundaries of offense. We reminisce about our summer happenings. BCB saw Billy Joel at Camden Yards, drove on the PA turnpike, took a ride on the Auto Train, and visited both the Flight 93 museum and the infamous Robert Kraft Rub-N-Tug parlor. Guinea John made several trips across the globe. From Hawaii to Italy, from Baltimore to Washington, the travelin' Sicilian has added some miles. We discuss Genesis' "Illegal Alien" and its awful video, watch a compilation of a guy insulting wannabe porn stars, and read another fan email. Obscenities, stereotypes and chauvinism...par for the course when you take the route that is cynic. DOWNLOAD, SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, SHARE! It's cooler than the other side of the My Pillow.
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Episode 32: Deep Impact: The Secret Morgan Freeman Sex Scene
July 1st, 2019 | 2 hrs 11 mins
2020 presidential election, 9/11, alive, avengers, banana splits, car buying, college, conspiracy, corolla, deep impact, dennis quaid, donald trump, donkey punch, dwayne johnson, endgame, godzilla, jake gyllenhaal, joe biden, joe pesci, morgan freeman, o.j. simpson, political correctness, poseidon adventure, san andreas, the day after tomorrow, the godfather, the impossible, the perfect storm, tony danza, toyota, tulsi gabbard, united 93, urban dictionary, volcano, war games, world trade center
The Juice is loose this Summer on Episode 32 of TTCR. The trio chats up current events, locally and globally. Guinea John shares his recent agony of buying a new car. We check out O.J. Simpson's new Twitter account. The conversation turns a little poo-litical before we push our new merch page, as well as the limits of racially sensitive material. We look up some random Urban Dictionary terms, talk favorite natural disaster movies and, as always, end up talking about 9/11 and the CIA's involvement in social engineering. At the end of the day we're gonna get wiped off the earth by a mega-volcano shooting out tornadoes, so it doesn't matter anyway. Business as usual around the octagon. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE IT LIKE THE PLAGUE.
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Episode 31: Ayn Rand is the Fountainhead of Impotence
June 13th, 2019 | 2 hrs 7 mins
arnold schwarzenegger, ayn rand, bad plane ride, bruce willis, canada, christopher hitchens, dick simmons, elton john, family guy, fan mail, immigration, italian, john stamos, john travolta, john waters, john wick, kate upton, law & order, left wing, lyle alzado, martin shkreli, mike tyson, netflix, political parties, pulp fiction, richard linklater, right wing, rocketman, roots, sam kinison, the fountainhead, toronto blue jays, tupac, turbulence, wak 100, walk hard, walk the line, word origins, zack snyder
We got a dirty one for thirty one! The trio tackles all the juicy topics of early Summer '19. Guinea John kicks it off with an Italian cantata for the ages. We get politi-cooh while talking about the origins of the left and right wings. Guinea John defends Ayn Rand to the bitter end. A Canadian weekend away, John Waters on acid and a new piece of fan mail all make up the madness that is TTCR Episode 31. John Stamos eats yogurt, Kate Upton eats a burger, and Lyle Alzado eats steroids. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, AND SPREAD IT LIKE HERPES. www.takingthecynicroute.com
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Episode 30: "Polack" Johnny and the Tale of the Devil's Onion Ring
May 26th, 2019 | 2 hrs 5 mins
90's commercial, alphas, amy schumer, andrea yates, avengers, baltimore, batman, beta, billy jack, bloomin' onion, bohemian rhapsody, boston bomber, boxing, casino, catherine pugh, christopher walken, clitoris, comedy, commercials, cults, diarrhea, dildo pranks, endgame, gillette, godfather, grateful dead, heaven's gate, hemorrhoids, john steinbeck, john waters, mcdonald's, mma, orioles, queen movie, road house, sam kinison, skittles, ted bundy, up in smoke, vaccines, vhs, vince vaughn, vomiting, zac efron
TTCR hits another milestone as episode 30 comes out swinging. We are talking haymakers left and right. Polack Johnny is back in the saddle as the boys dish about everything from deep throating soft serve to hackin' off a hemy while spread wide like a bloomin' onion. If you've ever eaten finger blasters while at the pee trough, episode 30 is the one for you! DOWNLOAD IT TODAY. LISTEN TO IT WHENEVER.
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Episode 29: Beer Can Billy is Gaye for Fried Chicken
May 19th, 2019 | 2 hrs 7 mins
amy schumer, avengers, baseball, bernie sanders, budd dwyer, catherine pugh, childhood, chris farley, dr.dre, eastpoint mall, endgame, faces of death, fried chicken, jfk, joe biden, john lennon, marisa tomei, marvin gaye, memories, michael jackson, millennials, ms. piggy, pulp fiction, reginald denny, sam kinison, steve mcnair, tiger woods, traces of death, tropic thunder, whitney houston, youth baseball
It's been too long! Episode 29 of TTCR coming at ya with a vengeance. Special guest "Beer Can" Billy shares some quality stories. From accidental childhood racism to jerking off while driving, we cover all angles. We surprise Guinea John with Chris Farley's death photo and reminisce about "Faces of Death." So many random topics and sound effects, there's too much to list. Grab a snack, sit back, and listen to those sweet, sweet Baltimore accents. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.
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Episode 28: I'll take 'Things You Would Defecate On' for a $1000, Alex.
April 29th, 2019 | 1 hr 48 mins
baseball, bill hicks, brave new world, busta rhymes, dallas buyers club, economy, family guy, fart, korean pop, mark paul gosselaar, matthew mcconaughey, middle east, missy elliot, morgan freeman, my buddy, oozinator, orioles, peter dinklage, peter griffin, queefing, rothschild, sam kinison, saved by the bell, scuttled, seven deadly sins, shel silverstein, snl, spring, super soaker, ten commandments
Spring has sprung like Guinea John out of his seat when the drugs show up. Episode 28 starts off with some O's baseball talk and quickly enters the realm of farts and queefs. We dissect some more CUMmercials and pretend to know things about religion. The ghost of Sam Kinison makes his frequent appearance, we contemplate things we would crap on for $1k, and determine no one truly knows anything about the afterlife. "Thou shalt not thrust thy Oozinator toward thy neighbor." DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE! Check out our PATREON page for more patron only content.