Taking the Cynic Route

Episode Archive

Episode Archive

35 episodes of Taking the Cynic Route since the first episode, which aired on February 22nd, 2018.

  • Episode 35: The Guinea John Special Ed-ition

    September 25th, 2019  |  2 hrs 14 mins
    airports, bad joke telling, bad jokes, bombshell, breaking news, deepfake videos, drinking, gun control, help!, hot cousins, inappropriate laugh tracks, italy, jeffrey epstein, john lennon, lebron james, mark david chapman, mass shootings, sam kinison, schindler's list, sicily, taxi driver, the beatles, the catcher in the rye, the decision, titty man, traveling, washington, yesterday

    A very special episode of TTCR as we welcome back Guinea Juan after a brief sojourn overseas. The man himself steals the show with endless rants about airports and traveling, The Catcher in the Rye and Taxi Driver (again), sexy cousins and another visit from the ghost of Sam Kinison -- not to mention a major league, game-changing bombshell. So strap yourself in for some inappropriate laughs and some inappropriate touches, right here on Episode 35 of TAKING THE CYNIC ROUTE.

  • Episode 34: Beer Can Billy goes to Warshington

    September 12th, 2019  |  2 hrs 14 mins
    9/11, adderall, auto train, baltimore, baltimore orioles, billy joel, camden yards, chris davis, donald trump, fantasy football, fhritp, fletch, flight 93, genesis, illegal alien, jerry sandusky, jim abbott, massage parlor, once upon a time in hollywood, penn state, pennsylvania turnpike, phil collins, porn stars, precious, quentin tarantino, ravens, redner's chicken, robert kraft, shanksville, shaquille o'neal, the fan, the world of coca cola, trey mancini, tweet, yucko the clown

    Don't call it a comeback! It's been too long. Beer Can Billy joined the trio for this one a few weeks back and pushed the boundaries of offense. We reminisce about our summer happenings. BCB saw Billy Joel at Camden Yards, drove on the PA turnpike, took a ride on the Auto Train, and visited both the Flight 93 museum and the infamous Robert Kraft Rub-N-Tug parlor. Guinea John made several trips across the globe. From Hawaii to Italy, from Baltimore to Washington, the travelin' Sicilian has added some miles. We discuss Genesis' "Illegal Alien" and its awful video, watch a compilation of a guy insulting wannabe porn stars, and read another fan email. Obscenities, stereotypes and chauvinism...par for the course when you take the route that is cynic. DOWNLOAD, SUBSCRIBE, LIKE, SHARE! It's cooler than the other side of the My Pillow.

  • Episode 33: Ernest Goes to Area 51; A Coen Brothers Film

    July 18th, 2019  |  2 hrs 53 secs
    abe vigoda, alabama, aliens, area 51, barney miller, bob lazar, bobcat goldthwait, coen brothers, conspiracy, dabney coleman, dobie gillis, don rickles, donald trump, ernest, fat hungry bitch, gallagher, game shows, gators, highest grossing films, hunter biden, jim varney, joe biden, joe rogan, josh brolin, jre podcast, meth, mr. ed, o.j. simpson, push-up contest, raid, rip torn, sean connery, toy story 4, vanna white

    Hey, Vern! Grab some Eggs Erroneous and listen to episode 33 of TTCR. Our good friend and master of random useless knowledge, Scott drops by the studio. A whole lotta movie talk in this one. We skim over the filmographies of cinema legends like Jim Varney, Dabney Coleman and Rip Torn. We discover every job Sean Connery has ever had revolved around getting laid. We also discover the Coen brothers are really good at making movies. Our new segment "Conspiracy Killers" kicks off with a discussion of the coming "raid" on Area 51 and the massacre to follow. There's movies, pop culture, politics...so much to unpack, you might as well just listen. Lap dances at Lawrence of A-Labia's are half off if you're wearing your "Taking the Cynic Route" gear. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.

  • Episode 32: Deep Impact: The Secret Morgan Freeman Sex Scene

    July 1st, 2019  |  2 hrs 11 mins
    2020 presidential election, 9/11, alive, avengers, banana splits, car buying, college, conspiracy, corolla, deep impact, dennis quaid, donald trump, donkey punch, dwayne johnson, endgame, godzilla, jake gyllenhaal, joe biden, joe pesci, morgan freeman, o.j. simpson, political correctness, poseidon adventure, san andreas, the day after tomorrow, the godfather, the impossible, the perfect storm, tony danza, toyota, tulsi gabbard, united 93, urban dictionary, volcano, war games, world trade center

    The Juice is loose this Summer on Episode 32 of TTCR. The trio chats up current events, locally and globally. Guinea John shares his recent agony of buying a new car. We check out O.J. Simpson's new Twitter account. The conversation turns a little poo-litical before we push our new merch page, as well as the limits of racially sensitive material. We look up some random Urban Dictionary terms, talk favorite natural disaster movies and, as always, end up talking about 9/11 and the CIA's involvement in social engineering. At the end of the day we're gonna get wiped off the earth by a mega-volcano shooting out tornadoes, so it doesn't matter anyway. Business as usual around the octagon. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE IT LIKE THE PLAGUE.

  • Episode 31: Ayn Rand is the Fountainhead of Impotence

    June 13th, 2019  |  2 hrs 7 mins
    arnold schwarzenegger, ayn rand, bad plane ride, bruce willis, canada, christopher hitchens, dick simmons, elton john, family guy, fan mail, immigration, italian, john stamos, john travolta, john waters, john wick, kate upton, law & order, left wing, lyle alzado, martin shkreli, mike tyson, netflix, political parties, pulp fiction, richard linklater, right wing, rocketman, roots, sam kinison, the fountainhead, toronto blue jays, tupac, turbulence, wak 100, walk hard, walk the line, word origins, zack snyder

    We got a dirty one for thirty one! The trio tackles all the juicy topics of early Summer '19. Guinea John kicks it off with an Italian cantata for the ages. We get politi-cooh while talking about the origins of the left and right wings. Guinea John defends Ayn Rand to the bitter end. A Canadian weekend away, John Waters on acid and a new piece of fan mail all make up the madness that is TTCR Episode 31. John Stamos eats yogurt, Kate Upton eats a burger, and Lyle Alzado eats steroids. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, AND SPREAD IT LIKE HERPES. www.takingthecynicroute.com

  • Episode 30: "Polack" Johnny and the Tale of the Devil's Onion Ring

    May 26th, 2019  |  2 hrs 5 mins
    90's commercial, alphas, amy schumer, andrea yates, avengers, baltimore, batman, beta, billy jack, bloomin' onion, bohemian rhapsody, boston bomber, boxing, casino, catherine pugh, christopher walken, clitoris, comedy, commercials, cults, diarrhea, dildo pranks, endgame, gillette, godfather, grateful dead, heaven's gate, hemorrhoids, john steinbeck, john waters, mcdonald's, mma, orioles, queen movie, road house, sam kinison, skittles, ted bundy, up in smoke, vaccines, vhs, vince vaughn, vomiting, zac efron

    TTCR hits another milestone as episode 30 comes out swinging. We are talking haymakers left and right. Polack Johnny is back in the saddle as the boys dish about everything from deep throating soft serve to hackin' off a hemy while spread wide like a bloomin' onion. If you've ever eaten finger blasters while at the pee trough, episode 30 is the one for you! DOWNLOAD IT TODAY. LISTEN TO IT WHENEVER.

  • Episode 29: Beer Can Billy is Gaye for Fried Chicken

    May 19th, 2019  |  2 hrs 7 mins
    amy schumer, avengers, baseball, bernie sanders, budd dwyer, catherine pugh, childhood, chris farley, dr.dre, eastpoint mall, endgame, faces of death, fried chicken, jfk, joe biden, john lennon, marisa tomei, marvin gaye, memories, michael jackson, millennials, ms. piggy, pulp fiction, reginald denny, sam kinison, steve mcnair, tiger woods, traces of death, tropic thunder, whitney houston, youth baseball

    It's been too long! Episode 29 of TTCR coming at ya with a vengeance. Special guest "Beer Can" Billy shares some quality stories. From accidental childhood racism to jerking off while driving, we cover all angles. We surprise Guinea John with Chris Farley's death photo and reminisce about "Faces of Death." So many random topics and sound effects, there's too much to list. Grab a snack, sit back, and listen to those sweet, sweet Baltimore accents. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

  • Episode 28: I'll take 'Things You Would Defecate On' for a $1000, Alex.

    April 29th, 2019  |  1 hr 48 mins
    baseball, bill hicks, brave new world, busta rhymes, dallas buyers club, economy, family guy, fart, korean pop, mark paul gosselaar, matthew mcconaughey, middle east, missy elliot, morgan freeman, my buddy, oozinator, orioles, peter dinklage, peter griffin, queefing, rothschild, sam kinison, saved by the bell, scuttled, seven deadly sins, shel silverstein, snl, spring, super soaker, ten commandments

    Spring has sprung like Guinea John out of his seat when the drugs show up. Episode 28 starts off with some O's baseball talk and quickly enters the realm of farts and queefs. We dissect some more CUMmercials and pretend to know things about religion. The ghost of Sam Kinison makes his frequent appearance, we contemplate things we would crap on for $1k, and determine no one truly knows anything about the afterlife. "Thou shalt not thrust thy Oozinator toward thy neighbor." DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE! Check out our PATREON page for more patron only content.

  • Episode 27: Grab a Sheet of Brawny to Clean Up Your Skittles

    April 17th, 2019  |  2 hrs 5 mins
    27 club, avengers, bayer aspirin, boom boom mancini, boxing deaths, brandon lee, brawny, buying, celebrity deaths, chris farley, comedy, cynic route, disc golf, donald trump, du ku kim, elton john, george costanza, harry einstein, janis joplin, jim morrison, jimi hendrix, john mulaney, kurt cobain, mass shootings, masturbation, mueller report, new zealand, podcast, racism, renting, robin williams, rodney dangerfield, sam kinison, skittles, snl, star trek, tower of babel, white nationalism, whitney houston, william holden

    Welcome to the 27 club! The only things needed for entry are an abundance of drugs or a shotgun...or both. In this 27th episode of TTCR we dissect multiple NADverstisements to find the sexual innuendos. We reminisce about times we got in trouble in school. We discuss weird celebrity deaths, our grandparent's generations and their casual racism, and random movie body counts. The ghost of Sammy Kinison stops by again, again and Guinea John hits every tree in the forest. Listen up and you might even learn something. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE!

  • Episode 26: The Yellow Badge of Courage

    March 22nd, 2019  |  1 hr 40 mins
    annette bening, baltimore, captain marvel, comedy, cynic, cynic route, donald trump, dust bowl, ethiopia, ethiopia jokes, fox news, great depression, ken burns, melania trump, michael jackson, mick jagger, nin, nine inch nails, podcast, r. kelly, trent reznor, tucker carlson, warren beatty, yawning

    You're gonna need your passport and your shots for this one. Episode 26 dives into the wet and the wild. From R. Kelly human trafficking from on stage in Ethiopia to Michael Jackson's monkey love. Guinea John is filling Solo cups with golden showers while Bruce is still crapping in the dark. You'll even learn which stall to choose in a public bathroom. So get your Jergens and your tissues ready for a fappin' good time. DOWNLOAD, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

  • Episode 25: The B & E Railroad to Chocolate Town

    March 11th, 2019  |  2 hrs 10 mins
    b & e, barack obama, bohemian rhapsody, breaking and entering, bruce jenner, caitlyn jenner, casey anthony, comedy, cynic, cynic route, dianne feinstein, drinking, drunk, freddie mercury, george takei, hillary clinton, ipa, irishman, mitch mcconnell, o.j. simpson, podcast, porn, r. kelly, robert kraft, rodney king, ttcr, vhs

    We welcome back "Beer Can" Billy to the studio where everyone received an adult dose. From renting VHS porn to strippers shooting ping pong balls, this one pulls no punches. Probably the funnest and funniest to date, episode 25 explores everything. First time drunk stories, our adolescent lives of crime, R. Kelly bangin' kids again, Robert Kraft's handies, Obama's white half...this one has a little something for everyone. Crank up the perverted laughs for that long road trip and enjoy the route that is cynic. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

  • Episode 24: Stuff That Whopper in Your King Box

    February 24th, 2019  |  1 hr 44 mins
    andrew dice clay, bill belichick, blackface, bob kraft, burger king, c. thomas howe, comedy, dick van dyke, eddie murphy, gallagher, governor northam, gross beauty ingredients, mary poppins, morton downey jr., new england, nfl, patriots, podcast, race, rob gronkowski, robert downey jr, snapple, ted danson, todd gurley, tom brady, tropic thunder, virginia

    Celebrating one year of debauchery and douche powder. The gang at TTCR thanks our listeners for sticking with us, one offensive episode at a time. Not to be out done by its older siblings, episode 24 does not disappoint. We bounce from NFL conspiracies to Ted Bundy's resurgence. We talk blackface in pop culture, Burger King's subliminal messaging, and gross ingredients in your beauty products, just to scratch the tip of the racial iceberg. Jack and Jill went up the hill, each with a buck and a quarter...DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE!! Check us out on PATREON!

  • Episode 23: That Thing You Poo

    February 14th, 2019  |  1 hr 45 mins
    al pacino, bandersnatch, bee population, bees, bill hicks, border wall, bounty, boxing, cell phones, chickens, choose your own adventure, football, h&r block, jim norton, joe pesci, louisville, martin scorsese, nfl, norfolk, patriots, rams, robert deniro, sex, sharting, smartphones, snapple, subliminal messaging, the irishman

    This Valentine's Day, love is not the only thing in the air. We've got Guinea John, decoder of subliminal sexual messages. We've got Bruce the human garden hose. We've got impromptu song writing, snapple cap facts, Bill hicks, the Super Bowl...the list goes on and on. Join the trio around the octagon for another brown-tastic good time. DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SHARE, SUBSCRIBE.

  • Episode 22: Weapons of Ass Destruction

    January 21st, 2019  |  1 hr 57 mins
    2018, bear attacks, jimmy snuka, john valby, kfc, masturbation, mean gene okerlund, peter north, porky's 2, pornhub, sam kinison, schweppes, spanish fly, stormy daniels, super dave osborne

    Who's hungry for a delicious bowl of PORN flakes?! In Episode 22 we review the 2018 porn statistics courtesy of PornHub. We discuss hypothetical bear attacks and all the things America shoved up its ass in 2018. Sam Kinison drops by again, again. We talk Peter North, Porky's 2, and mourn a trio of D-list celebrity deaths. Starting the year off with a BANG!

  • Episode 21: Yule Logs and Donkey Dongs: The Smells of Xmas

    January 13th, 2019  |  1 hr 33 mins
    aquaman, artie lange, chris rock, dominick the donkey, feliz navidad, gin and juice, godzilla, hall of fame, janet jackson, key parties, kfc, kirk douglas, mcdonald's, mueller, porn, radiohead, rock & roll hof, roxy music, sam kinison, stevie nicks, swingers, the cure, tim curry, true romance, twister, zeitgeist

    We found a gift behind the tree when we were taking down the hole-a-day decorations. That gift is episode 21. Guinea John is critical of KFC's yule log, Bruce tells us about Twister Key parties, and I took a massive dump just before recording. We discuss the 2019 Rock & Roll HOF, Godzilla porn, and Guinea John enlightens us to a new term, "shirt potatoes." Feliz Navidad can suck Dominick's donkey. Enjoy! DOWNLOAD, LIKE, SUBSCRIBE, SHARE.

  • Episode 20: A Dash of Ripple in Your Taster's Choice?

    December 18th, 2018  |  1 hr 45 mins
    chris rock, christmas, comedy, cynic, cynic route, farts, finger sniffer, geico, george h.w. bush, harold and maude, hemorrhoids, howard stern, hugh hefner, immigration, jewish conspiracy, jimmy carter, louis armstrong, melania trump, monolith, risk, scars, smart phone, taxidermy, time machines

    HAPPY HOLE-A-DAYS! On this joyous episode we discuss Bruce's holiday visitor, Guinea John's butt trumpet, and Hugh Hefner's buried porn treasure. "Chris Rock" stops by, we try out a few new segments, and reminisce about smell-a-vision. There's dookie in the coffee can, immigrants with facial scars, and GEICO is trying to give you a hard-on for insurance. Welcome to the wonderful world of TTCR. Download. Like. Subscribe. Share.